have had covered ward or gone earlier to the ward everyday before 8 strikes. it's not so much of the staying out late or waking up early that tire me up, but rather of my choice of letting my mind wanders, of letting the overwhelming stress to get the better of me.

just after class, as if to celebrate my 2 weeks in a row to end, i went to my most fav vegetarian restaurant, had a quiet meal, but the brain never ceases to work, guess i have not really recovered from the shock i saw before i left university- the uncle with gastric carcinoma.

had seen a few of elderly patients who had to suffer from any kind of illness that take way from them of the previous skills they have.they lied down on bed, they had an opening in the throat, every time they coughed, the thick phlegm just squirted out from that tiny opening.

today, the uncle i had seen for the past few days, admitted for advanced stage of gastric carcinoma, he was writhing in pain this morning, and the eyes already rolled upward in the evening, with a small gadget chanting the mantra. it was really a pain to see why all these have to happen.

it's like when we aim for A, but when we get a C in the end, we thought well, B would be better, likewise, when knowing we would die in the end, we are not so scared of it anymore, but to die well.

Being medical student, when an overwhelming emotion has taken a toll on us, we think, well, let me not see this for a few days, let me hibernate and see what the defense mechanism i would develop, but once we start working, we just cant escape like how we do when we are still medical student, the overwhelming emotional stress from everyday live, death, and the process of an illness itself.

Y12:35 PM