Saturday, June 20, 2009
just as today, while walking through the crowd in the hospital, i realised that, i had not had a single day thinking i am good enough to be a competent doctor. i was wondering, is it the medical knowledge is too vast too wide or the syllabus is designed in such a way that, everyday literally we are learning new thing.
just like how i felt after having gone through the O@G posting with Dr. Kathi. a seemingly simple straightforward case could turn out to have a hidden agenda in it, it left me puffing catching my breath, as if i was just about to end a marothon, another just began. it's good in a way that we are pushed to our limit to pursue the never endin business in medical school. that's never a day i would be comfortably telling myself that, well, i have acquired enough, let's have some little fun before i move on to the next level.
today, i was in the delivery suite observing 2 medical officers (MO) performing an external cephalic version. the confident look shown left me bewildered if i would ever be confident in my own clinical skills.
the price i paid for being not confident in myself, it's not like i have a pimple pop up on my face that i could use a cream to wipe it and seal it. the not having confidence has certainly bruised me to a certain degree. and i have suffered the complication.
i somehow believed that what happened in my childhood, had taken a toll in me, which had caused such an impact in my life.
i so wished, one day, i would be able to taste the joy of being confident in me myself. it would certainly be like a ripe grape, from sour, it turns sweet. that would be the time when i would be refreshing the memories of my embarrassed moment i ever caught myself in for my lack of confidence.
certainly, i have a long way to go to become a confident Earl. i am taking it slowly though there are times when i feel so frustrated that i lose my patience.
Y6:07 AM
